Unbend, Remain Nermal

I like bartering. I´ve always enjoyed visiting flea markets to indulge in this moneywise proclivity. Recently, I acquired a nice watch in the La Bisbal d´Emporda flea market at a very nice price due to bartering. I picked my seller due to my belief that he enjoyed bartering as well. I ended up getting an almost 50% discount and left him as he was saying: Muchas gracias, guapa.

However, the instructions leave something to be desired. If you don´t like randomly pushing buttons for three minutes in order to figure out how the alarm works and/nor bartering then I suggest you don´t buy a watch in a flea market in a foreign city. I wanted to share these instructions with you as they are so hilarious I almost pee myself everytime I read them.

I´m sure this is what my Spanish must sound like to the locals...

Why you shouldn´t buy a watch in a foreign flea market:

*Insurance card

This product would be insuranced all functions well by our company, since you buy it within one year. If the product malfunction, our company would injust or repair it free.
But when the following conditions happened, you should pay the ray material fee.
-When you didn´t obey the pay attention matters lead to the product damage.
-Battary were used up and appearance scar, fade etc. You must show the insutance card when it repaired.
Date buyed:
the retail dealer´s seal:
(The card will effective after sealed by te retail dealer.)

*Pay Attention Matters

-Becatse the electron meter made by precise elctron spared, so you can´t dismantle sillfully, except appoint expert.
-It can´t be pushed button under water while you swimming.
-It must be repaired right now by the appoint expert while there have some water vapor.
-The electron meter can bear the generalshake. But it must avoid within strong collide. Strong shake. Used rudely and falled on the spolit place.
-It can´t be used in extremely hot or bitter cold weather.
-It can´t be washed in chemistry matters. Soap. Otherwise it will corroded the rubber sheet of the suface. So it only can be cleaned in sofy cloth.
-It can´t be carried in strong electric field and static electricity cytle etc.
-Lot electricity will be lossed if long using the cool light crystal.
-Cool light is not to be seen under sunlight.
-Error is +/- 40 seconds under the normal temperature between 5C-35C.

(I´m sure that somewhere the ´generalshake´ is a wicked dance move...)

Cultural Consumption

Two of the most interesting objects I have encountered so far are disparate and separated by over a century of invention but share in their ability to inspire wonder.

The first is a wooden submarine that is on display down at the harbor in Barcelona. It was invented by Narcís Monturiol i Estarriol, the man credited with the invention of the first combustion driven submarine, in 1862. He also invented the first anaerobic engine. For more on this Spanish native check this: Submarine.

The second is a new age instrument which is like an inverted steel drum, is played with the fingers, and has 8 octaves and a base aligned as pie wedges around its area. It´s known as a Hang (pronounced ´hung´). To hear a sample recording click here: Space Music. It would sound fantastic played with the Shona M´bira.

The Barcelona Kiss

The Barcelona Kiss is a unique species indeed. I have had more than enough opportunity in the scattered metro stations of the city to break down the anatomy of this spectacular display of PDA. It is overt enough to inspire a visceral ire in one of my companions and formulaic enough to appeal to my sensibilities as a scientist.
The Barcelona Kiss is simple but unique and requires several characteristics: 1) It must be in public, 2) A tongue must be stuck in an orifice other than a mouth, 3) It must evince the image of passionate sex followed by unavoidable separation, 4) A purplish hickey must be given, and, 5) A butt must be grabbed.
The Barcelona Kiss is the refuge of adulterers and the bane of the lonely. It engenders a transitory dichotomy: 1) Relief that you´re not the jackass involved in the Barcelona Kiss, and, 2) Sorrow that you´ve so rarely been kissed that passionately in full testament to all inquiries.
Some avert their eyes in either personal embarrassment, vicarious shame, or disgust. Others, like me, stare the beast of lust full on and wait for the horns to start bucking.

Doonkin´ Donoots

Foreign policy aside I have found many reasons in Barcelona to explain why most of the world despises Americans. The most prominent would be our cultural import of food. I would generously endorse the idea of standard southern fare (ex. Fried chicken, buttermilk biscuits, collard greens, and sweet tea) being an authentic, and gourmet, American meal. But that is not the culinary face that Barcelona sees. Barcelona´s conception of US food is (in order of decreasing conspicuity): Burger King, Dunkin´ Donuts, McDonald´s, Starbucks, Pizza Hut, and KFC. Obviously they are not incorrect in their conception of us as slovenly pigs lacking in any gustatory sensibility. One of my traveling companions broke down on the second day and bought a Dunkin´ Donut. The saving grace of her American ¨postre¨ is that rather than containing chocolate it instead had nutella.
I find it quite ironic that here Starbucks has eschewed the pedantic monikers it assigns to coffee sizes in the States (I believe those being: venti, grande, and something else...) opting rather for authentic regional Catalan. It would be much more exotic if, in Spain, they chose to use: small, medium, and large.

¨Un MEDIUM caffe mocha, por favor.¨

Another aspect related to our poor diet, general corpulence, and the worlds conception of us is that in three short days I´ve learned to assume that every obese person must be an American, Dutch, or German tourist. I still can´t figure out how they fit into the tiny bathrooms and cars.